Wednesday 27 November 2013

Feeling Like a ROCK STAR!

I have had some great days that equaled into great results both S.V (scale victories) & N.S.V (non-scale victories). I have looked at a few things and noticed a difference both in terms of physical and mental (I am always gonna be fully mental :P) So if you'll let me indulge as I eat my peanut butter w/banana on toast (YUM!) & Alpine Tea, Ill try to tell you whats what.

Today I left the doc's feeling like a Rock Star! I saw her about 3 weeks ago and she did the blood pressure test, weight and sent me for a million blood tests, with firm instructions come back in 3 weeks. Now usually I would have not been bothered to get the tests done, forgotten to take my tablets etc and never made another appointment. Thats pretty much why the last time she saw me was 2 years ago. But with all my recent new attitudes and progress I took my blood pressure tabs, went for the tests and continued my exercising and food positive action. Today my blood pressure went from 150/100 to 100/80!!! I also was down to 122 kg and the tests were good. So for the 1st time I can remember no lecture from the doc just positive feedback and some advice for moving forwards with keep up what I have been doing. YES!

So my scale victory is a loss of 11 kg since 13 October when I rejoined MFP. I have also gone from a 53" waist to 49. I have gained new and great friends who continue to motivate,support,advise and inspire me to better myself each and everyday! 

In my last blog I talked about reaching out and also the fact I had noticed differences in myself as I looked into my feelings that day. That progress still goes on, each day I notice how I now look at things in a completely different way.
 Take for example a show I used to watch and really wanted to have a chance to be on because I was in desperate need of help, a show called The Biggest Loser (Aus/US). I have not watched it since that last blog post (2 shows missed I think) why? Because where I would watch it and feel and even picture myself on there getting the help and losing weight, now I find it sad and wrong! Nothing against the show, it helps people change their lives and has a purpose. But no longer for me! I dont need to burn a min of 1800 calories a day, I dont need to eat like a bird, I dont need big talks I once imagined myself having with the trainers etc like you see.
 Because by exercising and eating within a set goal and surrounding myself with people who are going through differing stages of their fitness/weight goals I have learned to become stronger, in myself and I must say I am falling in love with my legs again ha ha ha! I am doing this and I am stronger mentally and physically because of the hard work I have put into me. I am for the first time in 10 years liking myself again.
Look I still have the belly and at times I wish it could just vanish, but then I reassess and well it is slowly going from the sides and the bottom up (not that bottom). Its slowly melting away and as the blogger in Move Love Eat posted HERE there are other ways to measure your success other than the scales. Take a look at it and remember the scales are only another tool in your kit to measure success.

Over the weekend I finally got out into the garden on Saturday and Sunday burning calories as I dug and cut trees, weeds and the like. I got the job done and a sense of accomplishment with finally reclaiming my back & side garden, oh and some burns on my hands from a plant of some kind ouch. I also turned off the TV except for Duck Dynasty and put the radio on and picked up a book and read as chatted to a friend via txt and FB. Time to think, relax, laugh and enjoy. I also did alot of reading on the internet and scored a couple great core and hip/glutes exercises to do after runs. Found a nice strength program called Beginner Body Weight workout found HERE. I also found THIS website listing 20 great Pre/Post Workout snacks! I also looked around the Active.com website finding some helpful articles. 

Oh and I guess the biggest news is......I start my new JOB tomorrow!!! woop woop I finally am employed again. In fact the day after my down day I was offered it. So so excited and also apprehensive. But this has also enabled me to Enter THIS! My 1st EVER event! A great great chance to test myself and a great goal to work towards and motivate myself. 
Now I think this blog has been long but please a bit longer as I will attempt to talk about the reason for my apprehension towards starting my new job.

Now its not the apprehension as normally you get in a new place or position like meeting new people etc. This is directly related to my exercise/food path. My main and biggest worry has been taking all this new found eating and more so exercise plan into the enviroment that is full time employment. Now I know I am not the only one who has a job either full/part time weather you be a full time mum at home or CEO, and I know a few who are achieving great results while doing this. But me? In Jan I started with MFP and one of the reasons I fell down was that I became employed full time and soon found myself getting home tired and eating all the wrong things. So the apprehension is due to past failures. And they are very much real and to be honest I am shit scared of falling down again. 

The food is not the issue, I can get up at 0430 for breakfast and make lunch the night before (done), the dinner will have to be planned the night before and I know I have this down. Its the exercising that is the main worry for me. Its all very easy to exercise everyday when I have had no job for 3 months, but now I come to my first REAL BIG TEST! Now here I could start to freak out and scare myself into a frenzy, but NO. I am better equipped than I was in January. I have achieved much more than I did and thus there is more to lose. I have a close group of people I know will kick my ass if I let myself and them down, one in particular.
 I am NOT about to let that happen. As I have said I am mentally stronger than last time, I am better prepared with better tools to overcome any issues. 
I have already made a exercise plan which starts tomorrow with times, I am committing to min 3 wogs a week with strength training the other days and Sunday being rest day. This is in my e-mail calender with reminders popping up 1 hour before I set the time to start each activity, this is also on my phone. I will wog before my dinner each night (late afternoon) and I will continue to be honest with my supporters on MFP in all my logging. I am making myself a promise and I dont break promises! I have come so far achieved so much in this time and I am not letting laziness and excuses re-enter my life! NO EXCUSES!

Wednesday 20 November 2013

Owning those feelings



The below post is randomness I decided to write down last night after having a particularly low day, so bare with it as it may seem all over the place as I tried to express how I was feeling...


Today has been a meh day for me, I am writing down stuff now I have no idea why. I had a great dinner last night and went to bed looking towards today. I woke up tired and as usual grabbed a tea and put on Breakfast while eating Breakfast.

But I just for the life of me could and still cannot shake this feeling. I realised it was due to 2 things both out of my control really but still seemed to push down on me. I was expecting a call from a job today for either an offer or another chat and as the day moved ahead each hour without this call I dwelt more and more on it making me worse.

The other was a simple matter of not being able to walk to school and pick up my daughter as I needed to drop off the scarecrow we built. A perfect good reason not to walk, but to me it meant missing a great time distraction free to talk about HER day.

The call came eventually and the news was not what I wanted to hear, and started me wondering more and more. I exercised today did some strength exercises in the morning then a walk that was supposed to be my C25K, but I really did not want to be bothered with it today, so walked instead. I did push out about 4 hard and fast runs in my last km but still could not shake this feeling. I also ate well, still under my daily targets and didn't gorge on food to help make me feel better.

On refection that showed me I am making progress, as 4 weeks ago I would have polished off whatever I could have found. A big part of me told me NO as it would have been a waste of time doing all today exercising and sure feeling better for an hour or two may have been good, but at what cost?

I also had someone who reached out to me today that made a big difference in getting me through today with her helpful advice and understanding. She made me realise that being open to telling others I am struggling is a good thing and I should allow others to help. I offer support to others and should accept the same in return. She knows who she is and a very special THANK YOU is for you and your support today! J

Work or more like lack of it, is really making me struggle! It has me questioning the decisions I have made since last December when I chose to leave a well paid job that I had lost all interest and love for, to be able to spend more time with my daughter while she wanted me around. Was/Did I do it for those very reasons or was I being selfish??? Should I have not sucked it up like before and done another year or more??? Should I have stayed on getting grumpier at my colleagues and eating more and more to hide my loneliness and hurt? Should I have only seen my daughter every 2nd Sunday for a whole day as it had been and explained to her later that I needed the money?
Time will tell in the end, and I hope that decision doesn't come back to bite me later on, even though I think that time is now.

It’s been 3 months since I last had full time employment. I have worked since leaving school to do an apprenticeship aged 16, and now I find myself skilled up with no place to go. Interviews are happening as it is I had one Monday, and one tomorrow and another on Friday. People are wanting to see me but that’s it so far, a few 2nd and 3rd interviews but nothing else. Its either they are freezing recruitment this month or someone more knowledgeable applied but you were close. Agencies I give up on. They seem to be all hot air and nothing more, all these so called potential offers or casual jobs never seem to materialise. Ok I’m a fat bugger but I am working on it. Look at my skill set 13 years in retail/customer service as management, NZQA in retail; trade certificate should be more than my appearance ffs! That’s how I feel at times, seriously I work hard and my weight does not affect my strong work ethic. I am not asking to start on big money I have always been prepared to start at the beginning if needed and move up, all I want is a chance.
What the fuck did I do seriously, dumb ass!

I am scared! Scared of this feeling becoming stronger and once again taking over, consuming me and destroying all this great work I have put into myself these last few weeks in particular. Sure I didn't over eat, I still wogged 3km and did strength training, but that was today and I had to almost make myself get out the door. What about tomorrow, what then? What if this rolls into another day? Scared of what I know can and has happened before. Mentally feeling meh has slowly worked into my emotional state this evening as I am alone with my own thoughts, and need to shake this quickly. I am scared! I am alone! I am sad

!@#$%^

Not long after writing that I turned off the computer and put the radio on low, lay on the couch reflecting, trying to make sense of it all for about 45 mins then I went to bed and thankfully slept like a baby. Today I woke and instantly knew today was good :)
I have just re-read this for the first time and its interesting how alot of this makes sense today, now. It was not all a bunch of jumbled mess, my thoughts seemed more clear while I was writing that down, and the fact that I never binged after logging and I did exercise is a massive difference in its self. But I actually want to now answer some of my own questions above....

Was I being selfish? Yes I was I did something for myself to better my relationship with my daughter. And these 11 months have been the best time imaginable spending with her, our relationship is strong and our bond closer than ever. My old boss told me when I left that he wishes he had done the same with his kids as he missed out on so much.

Should I have sucked it up for another few months or years?? NO! Hell no! I would have round up more unhappy and kept eating my loneliness into the grave. I had to leave for my own sanity before I may have also ruined friendships with my co-workers as Mr. Grumpy.

Should I have stayed on for the $$? If that meant continuing to see my daughter less and less the answer is a simple NO! The other side to that is unfortunately $$ is whats needed to pay the bills and I know my situation has put unneeded pressure on some people but they also know I am good at repaying debt. 

Some folk will never agree with the decision I made almost one year ago. But to me the measure of that decision will bare fruit in the relationship moving forward that my daughter and I have. And I am confident that the ground work and effort I made this year will bare fruit for the betterment of her and her future. A girl needs her mum, but she also needs HER dad. A father/daughter bond is magical, I still remember leaving the hospital the night she was born driving home with tears of happiness flowing, the overwhelming love I felt that I never knew was possible. 

One lesson I  learnt was to accept and embrace yesterday to put your feelings out there and not let pride get in the way of accepting help from people. I did that yesterday kinda and I did get some nice comments that I appreciated then and do now. Its important to accept the way you are feeling and try to embrace it and understand that we all have these feelings and reaching out for a hand can lead to great advice and support that can be the difference between in my case gorging on food and not. Now I am still going to struggle reaching out as its become a lifetime habit, but I will still attempt to reach out if I am struggling. Also another thing I found yesterday was I was able to own these feelings and not be ashamed by them. Today I have embraced them and understand more about myself and what may have lead to these feeling. 

I am proud of getting through yesterday, not gorging out on food and still exercising. That alone tells me the progress I have made these last few weeks. One of the reasons also I reached out was as a member of MFP in Jan/Feb I had these days and let it absorb me leading me to delete my profile and everything around it. I made a promise to myself I would try to let others know how I was feeling. Because its great having that support network and encouraging each of your friends, but if you don't say your maybe having a down day, how are they really able to be YOUR support if they don't know. Own the feelings embrace and accept them, and reach out! It can be the difference between giving up on yourself like I did earlier this year or being supported and not giving in on yourself.
Because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!









Monday 11 November 2013

Better blog the shit out of that!

One of the many encouraging and supportive comments I received today from a great support network on MFP they know who they are and everyday is a step in the right direction with you lot on my side Smiley


What's this about anyhow??? 



Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter


Oh yeah thats what the fuss is all about! I have lost 2kg since my last weigh-in for a total of 8kg in a month! I also have lost 2" from my waist. This had me checking those scales to double check, and yeah the independant scale auditor (my daughter) confirmed these findings to be 100% correct! 




Now part of the reason I was so surprised was last week was probably my worse week since getting back on board 4 weeks ago. I started out doing my C25K wk 3 day 1, and from there it slowly dipped ending in a weekend of migraines and puke! I only did 3 days of exercising and the food...well that wasn't all that bad which I see as a positive. So as you can see the lead into today was not the best.

What changed? I DID! I DID! I DID! I BLOODY DID!!! Two things happened today that have lead to my new found AWESOMETASTICNESS.(and yes that is a word because I just made it up) 
First I woke and felt good grabbed breakfast with a cuppa tea and jumped onto facebook. One of the posts I saw was from Becs and it was the last line in her post that did it for me. "Do something to challenge yourself that little bit more".
Challenge myself more....To me that was get ya sneakers on and walk to get your bloods done. NO EXCUSES!!!! where the Whakatane did that come from????? NO EXCUSES! Anyway off I went coming back a slightly longer way, hopping into the shower feeling AWESOMETASTIC (that word again).
NO BLOODY EXCUSES! NO EXCUSES! kept ringing in my ruddy head so I started saying it out to myself and realised I know where this came from...ME! For once I was actually listening to my inner self. NO MORE EXCUSES! I looked at those bloody scales and jumped on NO excuses. The results pushed me forward I was doing fist and chest pumps I was stunned, shocked and stunned but bloody happy!
All day I have taken on the NO EXCUSES thought and I have decided to make it my own. I have looked to anything and everything these many years as excuses to not do squat. No more, so I have printed out NO EXCUSES images and put them in the kitchen in the bathroom above the scales, next to the computer and in my room above my bed. This has propelled me to burn over 1000 calories today, dancing to Elvis with my girl and showing her how to long jump in the hall way! I feel like getting out and going for another stroll.
Oh and Becs and Jam_Hunt, yes I am a LOSERRRR a whole 8kg one Smiley

What awesometasticness have you achieved today? Did you challenge yourself?

Friday 1 November 2013

"Your doing great"...




Before embarking on my attempts to start running again I made sure I did some basic reading and also on the MFP forums. And as I have mentioned in one of my earlier postings one topic really helped me bite the bullet and start my wogging adventure, which lead to my discovery of C25K. One of the predominant comments that came through other than the you can do it and at least your doing something comments was that often other runners won't acknowledge you as they are in the 'zone', but also there is a great amount that will acknowledge you with a comment of gesture.

Now two things happened today, one was as I was wogging and the other occurred to me as I was recovering while walking home after completing the program. 

 I was nearing the completion of lap 3 and was wondering if I had started out to fast and should walk as my legs where screaming at me, another runner approached and said "Your doing great" giving me the thumbs as she passed continuing her run.
 Before I knew it I had completed this leg and was feeling boosted by the little encouragement I had received from a complete stranger. That one comment helped me get through the rest of today's wog as I replayed it to myself whenever I found myself trying to push through the 'give up your sore' mentality to complete today's C25K!

I was bloody sore afterwards and looking back on today's stats I had started out at a pace of 6:55/6:19 and ended leg 3 with 6:28. So yes I had in fact stared faster than any other wogs where my starting legs were around the 8:30/9:00 mark. But this little bit of encouragement from someone I had encountered while exercising; a complete stranger; helped me push through and not give up. What I had heard about and read actually happened to ME.

 Okay yeah, so It may happen to you alot, and I hope it does and that you do the same. But remember back if you can too the first time you had it happen to you, where a complete stranger, a fellow runner looked at your efforts to run and took a few seconds out of their time to give you motivation and encouragement. I bet you felt like you could smash it and that comment may have helped you that day complete something that you may have been finding hard to keep on with. 
I hope in a few months time when I am able to run some distance with less effort I will  be able to say "your doing great" to someone and never forget how it was at the very beginning. Because that person you encouraged today may decide to keep on going after all and in turn may pass it on to others.
Little things like that can make a difference to us newbies and sometimes perhaps even those more experienced and I myself am going to make the effort when I am wogging to do the same to someone I may see trying hard to run or even walk, and challenge you out there to do it also! 

As I was recovering unknown to me I realized that I had overcome my issue of not wanting to wog in front of others. Slowly each day as I encountered people the feeling of "Oh shit people are seeing me run" disappeared and today I actually realised I had encountered more people than before and instead of wogging to the path on the left because less people were there I maintained my original track continuing past them. 
And if I had chosen the other less travelled path today I would not of encountered my encouraging runner either. So take the path more travelled because you may miss some helpful words or gestures that will push you to do more each time. 

Did you encounter or offer any encouragement on todays exercise?